Here we are again after a few years of respite from evil in power. We are all worried that we will end up in some Handmaid’s Tale dystopia. And I am no longer certain we won’t. I don’t know what to do. Or, rather, the things I can think of to do, I really don’t want to do. I don’t want to pack up and leave. I don’t want to spend the next few years finding groups to join and strategizing and protesting and trying to figure out how to win some kind of political war in order to protect the country from downfall. Who knows, maybe I will just have to anyway.
What I want is to live peacefully. To have an interesting life. To create. To connect. To support those who can come up with the good ideas that will ultimately save us. And in the meantime to try my best to be a good person on all the levels I can. To be a good husband. To be a good family member. To be a good friend.
I always knew gay male art was political, but I was never interested in the politics of it. I draw because I feel the need to draw, to express myself creatively and because I am so intensely attracted to these men I draw. It’s this completely natural thing for me. I do my best when I am kind of in love with my subjects, even if it is just for the drawing. I feel I am meant to draw men, men holding and kissing, their faces, their bodies, and be in the energy of them. It’s not a cerebral political choice on my part. I am not drawing for cultural criticism.
But it turns out that is exactly what I am doing.
Look at it this way- if, say, a teenage boy in a conservative home in Texas decides to start listening to Rage Against the Machine and puts up a Clash Sandinista Poster in his room, he might get a stern talking to by his conservative dad. Or his dad might just call him an idiot and tell him he’ll grow out of it. A Public Enemy poster or Shaft movie poster will probably get some similar response. If the kid puts up political artwork by Picasso or Banksy or Goya, he will probably get absolutely no pushback at all. He would probably get away with a Farrah Fawcett-type poster or some semi-naked girl anime artwork with maybe some protest, but nothing that would really challenge the household. But imagine ANY of my pieces of art on that same wall - I do mean any, including just the faces.
The consequences for that teenage boy would be dramatic. He would likely be sent to some sort of counseling and some of his freedoms would be taken away. He would no longer be trusted. He would likely diminish in the eyes of his family. He might even be kicked out of his house. Even in many more liberal households half of my work (the nudes) would be deemed absolutely inappropriate and the chest up or men kissing images might get a lot of pushback.
The sight of two adult men kissing as the focus of a drawing or painting are deemed inappropriate in all aspects of our society outside of the gay community and our environments and occasionally in special exhibits in some art museums. The idealized male nude shown with affection and desire is taboo. And even portraits of men that capture depth of emotion that is not “warrior-like”, or “head of household portraits” or sportsmanlike, or coldly intellectual are not prevalent outside of celebrity magazines. Why is this? What do these images do?
I am actually unsure what they do to the typical conservative straight male (and female) voter. But I think they somehow mess them up. For me, these drawings draw me in, give me a sense of warmth and connection, turn me on, and make me want to connect with my fellow men on a warm, affectionate level. To me, they are not threatening in any way. They make me feel community. What do they do to these other people that makes them want to keep these images away from their kids and avert their eyes themselves? What makes them feel deeply uneasy?
Some will say it’s that they are secretly gay themselves. That it challenges the doctrine they have been taught to believe. Somehow I think it’s even more insidious. I think that they believe on a very real and deep level that even acknowledging the value of any such work (the skill, the artistry, whatever) will make them a target. I think they are afraid of being targeted by all their friends and family and coworkers and that they will be scapegoated and vulnerable and bullied and beaten. That all their opportunities will be taken away. That they will become the hunted when they are so happy being the hunter.
And this is where everything becomes so politically threatening. These people who really hate these images - they want to live in an authoritarian regime. They do not want to take responsibility and participate. They don’t want to think. To be independent. And they don’t want to live and let live. They crave what they call strong leadership because of a sadistic and masochistic streak in themselves. They desire to cow-tow to the leader and place their boots on the faces of the scapegoats. They live in a world of fear where they see the hierarchy and their place and they are constantly in fear of their level changing - and this is the masochistic part - they LIKE it. They also like feeling superior and long to inflict their superiority on others- that’s their sadistic part. That’s my theory right now.
And I’m not saying anyone who doesn’t like my work is a fascist. My mom never really liked my drawings of men. She wanted me to draw more animals. She made me draw a portrait of her dog. But she didn’t hate my drawings of nude men. They just weren’t for her. I don’t expect most straight men or lesbians or gay guys who like smooth chests to like my work so much. I think there are also plenty of gay men who love my type of guy who still don’t really like my drawings- it’s just not their thing. But they won’t hate it in that particular way. It won’t bring out rage, just maybe indifference.
When I go to a museum, I don’t only go to see my favorite artists or my favorite theme. I go to see what’s there. I go to see interesting representations of the world, new perspectives, images or concepts that challenge me to think and hopefully to appreciate life more. I love seeing the craft and technique. I love seeing an artist’s development over time and their mastery of skills. I love feeling the energy or a work and seeing an artist’s individual style. I hope that my work brings to the table these things. I hope my work fosters discussion and appreciation. I hope it reaches a large audience. At least that it gets to the people it will positively affect. I don’t know if it ever will.
Currently I am being restricted on social media, as are all the other gay male artists I know. The image above was on Instagram for two years and suddenly it got removed and I got a warning. For a while there I was growing my audience and now all my work is only viewable to my current followers and I am barred from using any promotional tools including regular hashtags. I have tried repeatedly to protest this to no avail. Unfortunately I need social media- that’s just the way it is these days. I need Instagram in particular. Like I said, I am not alone and many of my fellow artists have it even worse than I do.
Sadly, the current political climate is only going to make things worse. I understand that fear of being a potential target and I get no perverse pleasure from it. Gay men are particularly attuned to this kind of threat. I adapted by becoming more secure in myself and less interested in approval from the outside world. I don’t care about people who don’t like my work. I care about the people who do or who would and I want them to be able to see it.